Don’t Have A Mentor? Here’s What To Do.

Blog, I'm Anna Roberts, Mentor, Coach, Dubai

Is the world against you at the moment?

I feel that way with a bunch of unanswered emails and phone calls from clients waiting to kick things off, it’s far to easy to get frustrated and whinge about things. It’s great getting things off your chest, but that doesn’t actually solve things.

So, how do you find a solution to a problem that you’re not too sure is all about? Mentoring.

I’m breaking it down this week into some very easy to manage processes on backing yourself if you feel like you’ve got no one in your corner. But first, what is a mentor and how is it different from a coach? Think of coaching as a one or two time thing of instruction and educating you while and a mentor is a longer term relationship with an advisor.

Based on these it’s easy to see why, with mentoring, you’d be building your courage and confidence muscles over a long term to have sustainable growth, and how coaching can get you there immediately and set you up for success.

Self Love

In the mean time, focusing inward can give you a huge amount of motivation and clarity and here are a few ways to achieve a better work life from practicing self love. It starts with asking the following questions:

  • How much do you value yourself?
  • Your wellbeing and your happiness?
  • How much do you make it a priority?
  • How much do you rely on others to do it for you?
  • What is happiness for you?
  • And how do you keep all of these aspects in check?

We know that there is an increase in productivity when employees are happy, confident and comfortable in what they provide to their organizations so it’s worth it for your business and life.

Good Vs. Bad

I did something really simple in order to figure out what I really liked about my life and what I didn’t like. I took out a piece of paper and on the left side I started to note all the things that I enjoyed and really liked about my life. On the other side, I started listing all of the things that made me frustrated. They were all things that I had control over in my life and I could do something about.

So I started to see a clear pattern emerge in that my time and energy was being taken up with the things that didn’t give me anything back, and the things I did want to add more into my life of, couldn’t happen because I wasn’t spending my time wisely enough.

Understanding your values 

Once I had listed all of the things in my life I liked and wanted to do more of I could see that I could start to put more of these things in my life, and start to eliminate the things that really were drawing me down and making me unhappy.

This clear patten, I didn’t know yet, had a name, and I was, without knowing it, listing all my values. These were things like family, alone time, transparency, positivity, assertiveness, balance.

Your values are your principles or standards of behaviours; so a judgement of what is important in life. Suddenly, I was able to create a foundation for what life should look like for me and build from there.

Daily Routine

Once I had this knowledge of what my driving forces are, I was able to put these thoughts into something tangible, but its really easy to loose track and just make them for the sake of making them without actually following through.

Values are the beginning of seeing what our goals are, but to keep us on track we need out thoughts, our language and our actions to all match.

Internal Language

They are the thoughts that constrain us in some way, and because we believe them to be true, they stop us from speaking up, from taking action and from thinking we can achieve our goals. Sometimes, these beliefs are about our selves and our self-identity and other times they may be about other people and the world around us.

In the language we choose to use, our limiting beliefs can become apparent when we say:

  • I do/don’t
  • I can’t
  • I must/mustn’t
  • I am/am not

Take time to reflect on this and recognise the full extent of the belief, how false it is and especially how it has limited you in the past and be ready to change.

Journalling

Journalling means you can take the internal battle that has you helpless and transform it into a powerful positive action plan. You may be creating illusions about a situation and reacting precisely to the path your subconscious wants to take.

But if you move this battle on paper, the emotional arguments of your inner mind sound really stupid most of the time. What works inside your mind doesn’t work on paper because the action of writing requires some level of clarification; you cannot write incoherent babble.

 Promoting Self Love

  • Appreciation

People love to be appreciated for the things that they do and say.

The simplest way to express appreciation is to simply say “thank you” to each person for anything and everything that they do that is helpful or positive in any way. The more you thank people for what they are doing, the more things they will do for which they deserve to be thanked.

This is one of the best ways to promote a culture of positive thinking within your business.

People don’t remember what you say but they remember how you made them feel.

  • Approval

Showing approval is one of the most powerful ways to raise self-esteem, and increase their self-confidence. Whenever you praise and approve another person, you satisfy one of their deepest emotional needs.

Praise people in front of others. If a person does a good job, take them to your boss, or the most senior person you can find and “brag on them” to the other person.

When you praise people in front of others, either individuals or groups, they will remember it for a long time, even years. More than that, they will strive to repeat the performance so that they can earn more approval in the future. When you raise people’s self-esteem with approval, you make them feel wonderful about themselves, and motivate them to perform at ever higher levels.

  • Attention

Perhaps the most powerful of all techniques to make people feel important is to listen attentively to them when they talk to you.

Listening is essential. You always listen to someone who you value. You listen when your boss speaks to you. The more important the other person is, the more you hang on every word, and the more influenced you are by what they say.

On the other hand, you always ignore what you don’t value. To put it another way, when you ignore another person you devalue them, in their own eyes, and in the eyes of other people around them.

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